starting over

The last couple of weeks have been rough. I haven't done very well. And I have no one to blame but myself. So today I started over. I really want/need this to work. So here I go again...

At the store today I was looking for Weight Watchers Smart Ones meals. I thought if I had a few of those on hand for lunches that would be nice. I found an awesome one! It is in a steam bag and it is chicken and broccoli alfredo. You can also cook it stove top which is what I did since I don't like broccoli. This way I could pick out the frozen broccoli before all the flavor ruined mixed in with the rest of it. It was really delicious and I am so glad it was only one serving because I would have gone back for more!!

So hopefully, prayerfully, this week will go better and I can get moving on this again! I am going to start throwing in some exercise too since it is cooling off now. Oh! I finally measured myself too! :) I found some measurements that I had written down maybe last year and used those as my starting point and then measured now and I have lost several inches. I can even tell in my clothes! Which is both good and bad. I don't have the money to buy new clothes each step of the way. I do have some smaller sizes packed away. But I will have to wear the bigger things til I absolutely can't, then buy some more that are hopefully a couple of sizes smaller!!

Thank you all for the kinds words you have given to me, both on here and in person. I really appreciate the support, encouragement, and prayers!!

week 5

Well I knew this was coming. And I am completely OK with it!  I had no change this week. I had a rough couple of weeks and am ok that this was the outcome. So hopefully this next week will be better. I am trying really hard. I struggle so much in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed. I just want to munch. I realized last night that the first couple of weeks I had lots of fruit and since it is 0 points I was able to munch on that at night. But the last couple of weeks we didn't have any extra money, so no fruit and it has been a struggle! So hopefully I can get some fruit soon. Apples will be good now and they last forever so I will stock up on those. Maybe I can get to the farmers market and get tons of them at a better price too. So praying this week goes well and that there will once again be a loss!!

Week 4

Last week was week 4. It was awful:( I prepared myself for the worst (a gain) and prayed I would just stay the same. It was a hard week. I was feeling down and I am an emotional eater, so I really struggled. But when I weighed in, I had lost another 2 pounds!! I could not believe my eyes!! Praise God! So that takes me down to a loss of 10.5 pounds in 4 weeks!! I weigh in again tomorrow already. It has been a little better than last week, but still a little harder than in the beginning. Not sure why the first 3 weeks were such a breeze? Maybe it was some sort of rush at starting something new and succeeding and then the rush kind of wore off? Not sure. But I keep trying. Everyday I start over. Keep me in your prayers as I continue on!

week 3

Another week gone, another 1.5 pounds gone! Woo-hoo!! I was worried cause I weighed myself Friday and I had gained, which was totally annoying because I have totally been staying on points!! But then I weighed Saturday (the day I weigh in) and it was down again. Just normal fluctuations I guess.  So that is a total of 8.5 pounds lost in 3 weeks!!! And no I haven't taken my measurements yet Karen:) I don't have a tape measure, but my mom does and I am going to her house this Friday, so I will try to do it then!!

week 2

Week 2 is done and I lost another 1.5 pounds!! So excited to be doing well and to be seeing the scale moving. I plan to start exercising when it gets a little cooler. We don't have AC and it is ridiculous to just walk in the house let alone  exercise. Plus I would like to lose some more to make it a littler easier to get moving too. Still haven't taken those measurements. I need to get a tape measure and do it!!

bye bye 5!

I lost 5 pounds this week!! It is so nice at the beginning of a program to see the weight come off so quickly. I am quite proud of myself and I am starting to think I can actually do this!! I need to do one thing I dread though, I need to take measurements. I don't want to know those numbers now, but I would like to know how far I have come at the end, or even in the middle!! I probably won't share those numbers, as I am sure you will understand, but bug me til I post that I did it for myself:)!!

week 1

Well, I think my first week was a great success!! I am still at my mom's so I am waiting to go home to do my official weigh in, since I did my initial one at home. But some pounds have definitely come off and I am feeling great and still feeling encouraged and like maybe this is it! Maybe,  just maybe, this is the time that it really works! I haven't started exercising yet. A friend of mine told me that her weight watchers instructor at one point told her to get some of the weight off first so that you have more energy to exercise. So I am going to try and get some weight off first and see how it goes! So thanks again for the prayers and support and keep them coming!!

day 5

So the last 2 days have been rough. I am visiting with my parents and on Sunday we had to eat out 2 times and yesterday we went to Idlewild park and so packed one lunch and ate out for the other one. So...I have not done great, but I have done the best that I could under the circumstances. I chose water over other things, grilled chicken over burgers, fruit over chips, but I ate some pizza:) The pizza place by my brother's house has the most amazing pizza!! But I stopped when I was full.  Today I think we are sticking around the house, so it should be better!! But I am still encouraged, am watching the numbers on the scale drop already, and am still excited!! Praying today goes well, that I will feel satisfied with what I can have, and to keep feeling encouraged!!

Success!!

Day 2 is winding down and I did really well! I had oatmeal with some brown sugar on it for breakfast, a salad with steak, hard boiled egg, and olive garden dressing on it for lunch, I snuck in a bottle of water and some grapes to see Harry Potter, and I had 2 bacon wrapped filets for dinner and a bit of stuffing ( I didn't care for the stuffing so I didn't eat it and saved my points!) Feeling a little hungry now, mostly because I didn't eat enough at dinner, but I still have 17 points left!! Woo-hoo!! So I am going to have a cupcake that I made and then who knows!! Thanks for all the prayers, they are working, because so far this is going well!!

day 1 done

I did it!! 1 down, a whole lot more to go!!

day 1, so far so good

Well day 1 is nearing it's end. I technically still have 13 points left, but I have dedicated 8 of those to a cupcake that I made today! However, evenings are the hardest time for me! I just always feel hungry, and munchy and just like I need SOMETHING. But with the new points plus plan, all fruit is free! 0 points!! So I will have my cupcake, then use up the other 5 points on something (they say you should use all of your points everyday), then I have some watermelon if I "need" something later! Feeling good and proud of my day 1!!

Oh, I did take some "before" pictures yesterday. But I don't really want to post those until I have a smaller one to compare it to. I am not quite ready for that. But I look forward to being ready for that!! Next week I am going to my mom's house. So hoping that I can keep it together and do well! It is usually easier for me there because they don't snack in the evening so I don't usually either.

*singing* here I go again on my own...

Ok, so not on my own, but that song popped into my head just now. I just signed up for weight watchers again. I have done it once or twice before and it works, I just never stuck with it. I hope to this time. I'm really scared to fail though. This is the only thing that has really ever helped me before and I just really want to be able to do it. I am bigger than when I was 9 months pregnant with my kids and I am over it. I am tired of being tired, I am tired of hating what I see in the mirror. I am tired of my lack of confidence. I want to make this change, for good this time. But only by the grace of God will it happen. Despite what the title of this blog says, I CAN'T do it on my own. I can NOT accomplish this by myself. I NEED God to help me through. I need to ask HIM daily to get me through that day.  I NEED to be here for my kids as they grow up. So far I have no negative health problems because of my weight (except maybe infertility, but the ruling is still out as to whether that is from my weight or not). I know I am blessed to be healthy thus far, I am not going to continue to risk it. So please pray with me and for me as I start this lengthy journey!

not eating enough?!!

I had an appointment with a nutritionist yesterday. I was nervous about it because I am a super picky eater and I struggle with eating healthy because of it. Well she asked me for a sample menu for a day and I thought I was telling her good stuff, but she came to the realization that I am not eating enough. I was sort of shocked! She thinks that my meals aren't balanced enough and so my body has gone into reserve mode trying to hang onto the fat to survive because it thinks I don't have food to give it. So all these months when I was trying to eat less and couldn't figure out why I wasn't really losing anything, it's because I wasn't eating enough to keep my body functioning!! So she gave me a game plan that is totally doable and I am encouraged and ready to get going!!

walk away those pounds!!

I am down 3.5 lbs since yesterday!! Woo! It's amazing what a little healthy eating and a little going to bed hungry will do for you!! I am so excited to see the scale moving so quickly! It does amazing things for my motivation. Plus this time, this is for my kids and for the baby we can't yet conceive. I bought a couple of "walk away the pounds" videos today at Sam's Club. They had packs that came with bands too. One is called walk away your waist and the other is walk away your hips and thighs (yes please!). The kids did it with me and it was so fun! Plus I know these are doable for me where I am right now. It is a 3 mile DVD and we just did 1 today, I want to feel good enough to do it tomorrow too!!

Tonight for dinner we are having lean italian turkey sausage, salad, and strawberries! I am so excited for this journey! My clothes are already fitting me better just from the 15 lbs I have lost so far!   

Prayers are appreciated and coveted!

just have to do it

So I have been trying to get pregnant for nearly two years now. I have been having some stomach pains for about 2 months now and no one can figure out why. I went to a new OB/GYN today and she thinks that my weight is probably causing me not to ovulate. She is referring me to a fertility doctor and a nutritionist. If I want to have another baby, and want to be around for the ones I already have, I have to do it this time! So here we go again! (ps i am still down 12 lbs from before!)

support

I have been absent for awhile, and failing miserably while absent. I went to the doctor the other day for some advice on weight loss. He didn't really tell me much I didn't already know. But he did stress the importance of support for weight loss. Which I knew, because if Jer is sitting on the couch at night eating, I want to too. And so I told Jer I need him to do this with me to succeed. He's in!

It was  nice talking to the doctor though. He wasn't like well just stop eating crap and get up off your lazy butt. He was understanding and just really felt for me and acknowledged that it's hard and having kids in the house adds to the difficulty too.

I'm still not sure if it will happen or not, but here we go again.

weigh in over my head

I weighed in on Monday and I am down 5 pounds. I was so excited! However this week has taken a nasty turn with Jer being hurt. I haven't payed attention to what I have been eating, we've been eating fast food because I am too beat to cook, and I am an emotional eater! So this has been a rough week. I don't think I am doing awful, but not doing well either. So I am just hoping to not have a gain by the next weigh in. Keep praying for me!! And you can pray for my poor husband too. He had back surgery almost 4 years ago and is more than likely going to need it again. But last time he was hunched over and in horrible pain for 5 or 6 months. We had to jump through all sorts of insurance hoops. Not this time, he started hurting on Saturday and he has already been to the doctor, had an xray, an mri and we go back to the doctor today to figure out our game plan. So we are hoping there is no permanent damage this time (there was last time) and that he starts healing soon!

not by my own power

So the other day when I wrote I was having a bad day. That evening I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a couple of books. "Secrets of a Former Fat Girl" struck my interest. This lady was fat (although her high weight is the weight I last remember being happy at!) and knows what goes through the mind of a fat girl. Some of you may not like the terminology, but let's face it, I'm fat. So in this book she is sharing her secrets as to how she overcame the fat girl mentality and was able to lose weight for good. I feel like she can read my mind with some of the things that she says!
But then I moved onto secret #2. Keep it to yourself. She talks in this chapter about not telling anyone about your "diet" or your attempt to lose weight.  She talks about hiding from her family and friends because she was so ashamed of her weight and who she was. She doesn't allow anyone in at all. And was so terrified of being laughed at or given some unappreciated advice that she thinks we should be doing this alone! She writes "there are ways to get the emotional support you need while protecting yourself from the outside influences that could drag you down...you'll begin to learn to rely on your own inner reserve to keep you motivated, to give you willpower". Wow. Clearly this is not a woman of faith. When I read the title of the chapter I thought, oh crap, I'm freaking blogging about it! But this is one piece of advice I am not going to take from her. If I could do this on my own, I would have done it by now. It was my own "inner reserve" that got me fat in the first place! Now I need to rely on God and the support and encouragement I have received on here thus far.
 So thank you all for the words of encouragement and the prayers and I hope you will keep those prayers coming!!

His joy comes with the morning!!

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning


Praising God for a new day tomorrow to start again.

blah

I am having a discouraged day. The amount of weight I need to lose is so daunting. Exercise is hard to do when you are so big. I had just bought a treadmill before we moved, but I had to take it back because we don't have room in our apartment. I don't like healthy foods very much. And it is so hard to make 3 or 4 different meals at every meal for everyone. I know that it is hard work, but I sure wish there was an easy way! I wish I had the money to do weight watchers again. I had some success with them in the past. And I am realizing that I am not going to be able to go to my friend's wedding in November in CA. I am sure I am too big for a plane seat and any extra money I can scrape up has a much more important use than that. So I am just feeling sorry for myself today I guess. So sorry for whining, but thanks for listening to me vent:)