support

I have been absent for awhile, and failing miserably while absent. I went to the doctor the other day for some advice on weight loss. He didn't really tell me much I didn't already know. But he did stress the importance of support for weight loss. Which I knew, because if Jer is sitting on the couch at night eating, I want to too. And so I told Jer I need him to do this with me to succeed. He's in!

It was  nice talking to the doctor though. He wasn't like well just stop eating crap and get up off your lazy butt. He was understanding and just really felt for me and acknowledged that it's hard and having kids in the house adds to the difficulty too.

I'm still not sure if it will happen or not, but here we go again.

weigh in over my head

I weighed in on Monday and I am down 5 pounds. I was so excited! However this week has taken a nasty turn with Jer being hurt. I haven't payed attention to what I have been eating, we've been eating fast food because I am too beat to cook, and I am an emotional eater! So this has been a rough week. I don't think I am doing awful, but not doing well either. So I am just hoping to not have a gain by the next weigh in. Keep praying for me!! And you can pray for my poor husband too. He had back surgery almost 4 years ago and is more than likely going to need it again. But last time he was hunched over and in horrible pain for 5 or 6 months. We had to jump through all sorts of insurance hoops. Not this time, he started hurting on Saturday and he has already been to the doctor, had an xray, an mri and we go back to the doctor today to figure out our game plan. So we are hoping there is no permanent damage this time (there was last time) and that he starts healing soon!

not by my own power

So the other day when I wrote I was having a bad day. That evening I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a couple of books. "Secrets of a Former Fat Girl" struck my interest. This lady was fat (although her high weight is the weight I last remember being happy at!) and knows what goes through the mind of a fat girl. Some of you may not like the terminology, but let's face it, I'm fat. So in this book she is sharing her secrets as to how she overcame the fat girl mentality and was able to lose weight for good. I feel like she can read my mind with some of the things that she says!
But then I moved onto secret #2. Keep it to yourself. She talks in this chapter about not telling anyone about your "diet" or your attempt to lose weight.  She talks about hiding from her family and friends because she was so ashamed of her weight and who she was. She doesn't allow anyone in at all. And was so terrified of being laughed at or given some unappreciated advice that she thinks we should be doing this alone! She writes "there are ways to get the emotional support you need while protecting yourself from the outside influences that could drag you down...you'll begin to learn to rely on your own inner reserve to keep you motivated, to give you willpower". Wow. Clearly this is not a woman of faith. When I read the title of the chapter I thought, oh crap, I'm freaking blogging about it! But this is one piece of advice I am not going to take from her. If I could do this on my own, I would have done it by now. It was my own "inner reserve" that got me fat in the first place! Now I need to rely on God and the support and encouragement I have received on here thus far.
 So thank you all for the words of encouragement and the prayers and I hope you will keep those prayers coming!!

His joy comes with the morning!!

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord
Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning


Praising God for a new day tomorrow to start again.

blah

I am having a discouraged day. The amount of weight I need to lose is so daunting. Exercise is hard to do when you are so big. I had just bought a treadmill before we moved, but I had to take it back because we don't have room in our apartment. I don't like healthy foods very much. And it is so hard to make 3 or 4 different meals at every meal for everyone. I know that it is hard work, but I sure wish there was an easy way! I wish I had the money to do weight watchers again. I had some success with them in the past. And I am realizing that I am not going to be able to go to my friend's wedding in November in CA. I am sure I am too big for a plane seat and any extra money I can scrape up has a much more important use than that. So I am just feeling sorry for myself today I guess. So sorry for whining, but thanks for listening to me vent:)

not as sucky as i thought

So I thought that I totally sucked it up yesterday. Last evening I was so hungry, so I snacked, which I really have not wanted to do in the evenings and I felt like I ate too much at dinner too. But this morning I weighed myself and I had lost more weight. So I am not really sure what's going on. Maybe I haven't been eating enough calories to have the energy to burn calories, is that how it works? Maybe I just need to learn to listen to my body better. That's a hard thing after years of not really caring what it says. I have also been having a hard time disciplining myself to exercise. I had planned on doing it this morning, but I am not feeling so well. I really do want to give P90X a good try, but maybe I need something that is just fun too to help me want to do it, at least at first.  Do any of you have a fun routine you do?

bye bye 2!

So today is day 7 so I weighed in this morning and am down 2 pounds. I know this is totally great and I am excited, however, I also weighed yesterday and was down 3.5, so I am just a little annoyed that today was not a low day in my fluctuation. Anyhow, feeling good, glad to be down those 2 and I am hoping to get more exercise in this week and get a little stricter on eating too. I wish when losing weight there was some magical way to drop the first 20 lbs so that you would feel encouraged and have an easier time exercising. But alas...Continue to pray for me to keep going!